When I was 15 my "Aunt Flo" decided to make her very first visit. I remember I was so excited! This was something I had learned about and that all my friends had, but me. I felt like I was growing up.
Well needless to say Aunt Flo quickly became a very unwanted guest for me. I could never plan on when she stop by... Sometimes I would go months and months with out a single visit...
Then one day I was 16 I was in excruciating pain. I could barely move. After a visit to the OBGYN I learned I had OVARIAN CYSTS... And this is when I first learned how selfish and stubborn my ovaries were...
As the dr explained that instead of releasing an egg every month my ovaries hold them in a cyst that gets bigger and bigger and eventually ruptures... With tears streaming down my face I choked out the question "will I ever be able to have babies?" The dr replied, "with lots of help. It will take you years to get pregnant, you will need to take your temperature everyday and possibly use fertility drugs". This had me worried the only thing I have ever wanted to be was a mom and now I was learning that it would be very difficult to make that dream a reality.
Years down the road when I was 20 and away at USU I was having constant pain and after 2 trips to the ER and 1 surgery later I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had it removed. I was told the surgery would be good for 2 years but it would be hard for me to get pregnant.
Less than a year later I was on birth control to try to start having periods since i hadn't had one in almost 6 months and i was engaged to my now husband and on our way home from singing at a church fireside we both had the strong feeling our baby was ready and to not prevent pregnancy. We got married in December 2009 and I got off the pill. At the end of January I was feeling sick, fat and grumpy and started to just feel like I was pregnant. On February 8, 2010 those two pink lines showed that I was going to be a mom. I was so excited. On October 7 we were blessed with our beautiful, healthy 5 pound daughter Emma.
It took me a month to get pregnant with her! A month! After I was told it would take years... I figured that all the drs I had ever seen were all wrong about me and my baby making organs were finally going to be my friend. After years and years of them working against me... So when we started trying for baby #2 in September 2012 I was expecting to be pregnant for sure by the end of the year... Here I am in march 2013 still nothing and still heartbroken... So I decided to be productive and instead of venting to my poor husband who tries to "fix" what ever is bothering me and use this blog as a release... A therapeutic way to record my frustration, disappointment, heart break, happiness, blessings and support.
2 days ago it was sunday, I hadn't been feeling well all day. That night as we were putting emma to bed I was suddenly in sever pain. I left her room and tearfully asked brian for a blessing. I went to sit down but couldn't it hurt too bad. My husband then gave me a blessing and then went to put our daughter (who I spoil and needs to be snuggled to fall asleep) to bed. I curled up on the couch unable to even roll over. Brian who was scared kept asking if I needed to go to the ER. I said no because it was too expensive. after being up ALL night in sever pain I called in sick to work and was seen by a doctor. After every test under the sun being performed I was sent to get an ultrasound... suspecting a cyst to be the culprit. sure enough the ultrasound showed fluid around the left ovary meaning I had a cyst rupture... oh good! My cysts are back and my body hates me. I tried to see the positive at least my body was attempting to release eggs meaning I was ovulating... so now the trying continues.
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