How?

So anyone who knows me knows I am in fact a planner! I hate waiting and I am the least patient person ever (unless it comes to waiting at Disneyland)
So this waiting to have a baby is literally killing me. I was fully expecting to be almost done being pregnant by now, either unpacking all of Emma's baby clothes or buying new ones for a boy (heck I would buy new baby girl clothes too who am I kidding.) But nope... Here I am waiting...
My husband and I have talked about adoption lightly... Just tossed the idea around just incase... I know that Heavenly Father is in control, I know that it will happen when it's right... But what I don't know is HOW it's right...
Ever since we adopted my little sister and I experienced first hand how even though someone wasn't born into your family and may even be from a different country would fit in a family like they were born into it I have wanted to adopt. I have always felt sad for the children who are less fortunate and don't have loving parents. In 4 grade I entered an art contest the theme was, "wouldn't it be great if" most kids finished with something like, "i could fly" "i had a magic genie" "money grew on trees" but i drew two adults, a man and woman holding hands with lots of kids of different races and said "wouldn't it be great if every child had loving parents". Not many 4 graders think like that... But I did.
Yesterday my mom sent me a text saying her neighbor who can't get pregnant and has adopted 2 girls and has 2 foster kids right now "was offered a 2 day old baby girl but could have her because the baby wouldn't have it's own room. The dad of the baby crushed her 2 year old brother's skull and was in the hospital and the mom refused to leave the dad so she rightfully couldn't keep the baby"
At first I was MAD... How come baby killers could be given a baby but I couldn't? And what kind of mother would stay with her husband after nearly killing her son and have her 2 kids taken away?
Then my heart broke. I wanted that baby! And I wanted her now. Problem. Brian an I are not foster parents. And as I have said before, I need to have control of every situation. What would I do and how would I react when the mom "leaves" her husband and the baby who I have loved and taken care of gets ripped out of my hands and heart... And what happens if he goes back to the worthless man and he kills the baby I love?
I can't handle that. Not emotionally. But I can't stop thinking of that baby. I want that baby. I can almost see me holding that baby.
So now I am laying here, feeling sick, and feeling the empty space in my heart not sure of the direction to take. My mom and sister say I am young and I will get pregnant and don't jump to things. But I am not so sure... I know I have felt my baby and I know it will come to our family, but what I don't know is how.