I KNOW ENOUGH

I just got back from the my family practitioner after his exam he said "I think your endometriosis may have returned I want to get you into see an OB-GYN." I tried to hold back the tears. This is my fear, that is has returned and I won't have any more babies (naturally). When I was first diagnosed with endometriosis it was while I was having my appendix removed. They also removed the endometriosis and said that this isn't a permanent fix and it may return. After getting pregnant with Em so fast and now me struggling for over 7 months closer to 8 to get pregnant I know in my heart something is wrong. Also me being sick is also a sign. But I knew an OB wouldn't give me the time of day since it hasn't been a year and I am still young. So I am at least grateful that my dr. is getting me in to an OB to get this checked out on Friday. The only way to know for sure I have endometriosis is to do surgery... and I really don;t want that. So I am hoping and praying the dr. figures something out and we can get this resolved.
When I left the dr. office I called Brian and cried. I kept saying I was sorry for not getting pregnant. I was sorry my body hated me. I was sorry. He was kind and said to just relax and it'll be ok. He said he will go to the appointment with me on Friday if I wanted him to and we will take advantage of our free Papa Johns pizza for dinner.
I am trying not to have a pitty party. I am trying to keep my chin up. I am trying.
I got home and the words from a talk given in General conference in October 2008 ran through my mind "you know enough" So tearfully I pulled up the talk (thank goodness for technology where I can look up past talks online) and this paragraph stood out to me.
"We then remain steady and patient as we progress through mortality. At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right. Remember Nephi’s words: “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” 
 I don't know everything. I don't know why my uterus and ovaries hate me. I don't know why I am not getting pregnant. I don't know why people who are abusive get pregnant. I don't know for sure what is wrong with me. I don't know how I will get my next baby. I don't know when my life will be blessed with my baby. I don't know a lot.
But this I do know:
I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.
I know that He loves my family.
I know that He knows my pain and heartache and desires to have more children.
I know that He has a plan and is in control.
I know that my baby is worth the wait.
I know that Emma is NOT my only child.
I know that Emma is a huge blessing.
I know that Emma came to our family when she was supposed to.
I know that my husband loves me.
I know that things are coming together in many aspects for our family.
I know that my family is eternal and we will be together forever.
I know that I am blessed to have the cutest, smartest, sweetest daughter around (ok I might be biased)
I know that after a trial of our faith comes great blessings.
I know that things will be ok.
I know that my family is being watched over.
I know that our future baby has a purpose on the earth.
I know that I have a purpose on the earth.
I know that I can learn a lot from my daughter who enjoys the little things like climbing the tree in our yard.

I may not know it all but I know enough.