This is the view no one sees (but Brian of course) in front of others I put on a happy face and pretend to be strong (fake it till you make it right?)
Infertility is literally an emotional roller coaster. When I saw the evidence that my period was starting I was devastated. I called my ob to get more clomid called in (yuck) then tried to call my husband but he was busy with a client at work so I called my mom and bawled. All day I was battling my feelings.
When I got home I just enjoyed my family that I did have. I have something that a lot of women struggling with infertility never have... A beautiful daughter... After I snuggled her to sleep I curled up to my husband on the couch and just relaxed. My dad told me that maybe The Lord is blessing me... When I had to leave Emma to go to work it broke my heart and leaving my brand new baby would tear me apart so maybe He is waiting until Brian is closer to his MBA and gets a better job.
I went to bed ok. But woke up sad. I couldn't help but grieve the loss of this last month. The loss of my idea of the future and a slight loss of hope. My crying woke up Brian. This is hard on him I know. But how can he be so strong?
I want to quit. I want to give up. But he won't let me.
I was reading an article about a family who's trip to Disney World was ruined with a ton of car problems. In her closing paragraph she wrote this: