Round 3

I hate you clomid! I am not moody on it (thank goodness because I was afraid it would ruin my marriage if I was) but it makes me so sick. This morning I couldn't get out of bed to go get my daughter when she woke up. It took everything I had to take her (and me) to the bathroom and to get us something to eat. I am so dizzy, light headed with slight blurred vision and a terrible headache. I can barely sit up. 

I had a goal to deep clean my house and re-organize, yeah didn't happen. On top of it Emma had a rough day potty training she went weeks with out accidents including two twelve hour car rides to Washington... But today she had 4. Maybe it was my bad for not being more on top of her...

So I called my sister who is my medical questions go to since she is helping her hubby through med school right now... And she told me to call the dr about my side effects but I decided to wait and see how I felt. It never got better so I promised my mom in the morning I will call Dr. Lammi and figure out a game plan.

So on top of being so sick and not even having energy to get grumpy with Brian over nothing like I used to and being so sick I can't move it seems I am hearing more stories from friends or in the news about tragic infant abuse cases... And honestly it makes me angryS how come these people can get pregnant but I can't? I may not be the best mom... I may not have the cleanest house... I may not be the best cook but I am a dang good mom who loves my daughter more than anything and will love my future children the same, yet these people who kill or nearly kill their babies can get pregnant. I guess everyone has their own trials.

Tonight after taking today's dose of my least favorite drug (unless it gets me a baby then it may be my favorite) miss Emma woke up and I heard her door open slowly to see my little princess sleepy eyed. I scooped her up and just snuggled her until she fell asleep (yes I spoil her). As I was holding her I had a feeling like "Hilary it's ok. The Lords plan is better than yours. Emma needs to be your baby right now, she is a very attached girl and this is allowing her to grow up a little so she can be a better big sister."

I am taking things one day at a time. For now I am enjoying laying in my daughter's bed with her head on my shoulder snoring softly. I am tryin to fight my way through the pain of the medication and just tell my self that my baby is worth it. I will wake up assess how I feel and call the Dr. Then work on making sure Emma and I are taken care of and happy. I am so blessed to have her.