I woke up grateful. Grateful for Brian and my dad. At church I was overwhelmingly happy as the kids were understanding my lesson and applying it to their lives, the boy who has a hard time coming stayed the whole time and a little girl sat on my lap and gave me big hugs during sharing time.
But now mid day I am depressed. I am using all my strength not to cry. I am upset that my sister, one of my best friends lies so far away and is pregnant with my niece. I am so sad that I will never be close to her (Lindsey and the baby) I am so sad Emma won't eat to know her cousin as well as she know her cousins on Brian's side.
I am sad I am not pregnant. I am sad that I am not ovulating so was put on Clomid that has made me break out worse than I ever have and is making my boobs so unbelievably sensitive.
I am sad that people get disappointed when I say that if Clomid doesn't work I will go to adoption. I am sick of hearing "oh hunny you have lots more options before you have to do that... Like invitro" I am sad that they look down on our decision for what we feel is best for OUR family.
I am trying to shake it off and just be happy and grateful for the fathers in my life.
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