Like I have said before, I am a planner, always have been and probably always will be. I get what I want in my head and I figure out the best plan I can. I should learn this never works. My little family started by going against everything I had planned... I swore I would never get engaged after a few weeks, I would never marry someone tall, I would never get married in Utah and I would never ever get married in the winter. What did end up doing? Getting engaged to 6'1" Brian after less than 2 weeks of dating, got married in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple (in Utah) in December. So why would I think my plans of having our kids be no more than 3 years apart be any different? With Emma being 2 and a half now and me not being pregnant there is no way her and our future baby will be less than 3 years apart.
But that's ok since even though all my reasons for this makes perfect sense to me my Heavenly Father is in control and has a far greater plan for my family even though it is tearing me apart inside.
A good example for me of the family you have being more perfect than the family you dreamed of is my mom. For those of you that don't know my mom she loves babies more than anyone! She like me always dreamed of being a mom. She always dreamed of having a dark haired son named Steven Jay (good thing that never happened since Steven Stephens is a mega lame name) but she never had a son. She always dreamed of her dark haired babies but my little sister Lindsey and I were both born bald then grew light colored hair. She always wanted more children but suffered from a stroke when I was 4 and Lindsey was 1 and wasn't supposed to live. Although you would never ever be able to tell she had a stroke by looking at her she was told she would never be able to have more children. This was the most heartbreaking news but my parents started the long, hard adoption process and years and years later my mom finally got her dark haired baby when she went to China and adopted my little sister, Maeley on my 9th birthday.
My mom didn't have her dream family but she got better, she wouldn't trade anything about it.
So here I am snuggling my husband after putting our amazing, beautiful, smart daughter to bed thinking, "I am so blessed, my life isn't what I imagined and isn't perfect but it is perfect for me. Although I want another baby I am grateful for the one I have and am excited to see what The Lord has planned for me and my family!"
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